absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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