I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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