haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
