actually, I'm a sock model
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
