How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
