ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
