remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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