I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
