You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
