Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
