why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
