I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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