I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
