I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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