i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
