he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As shirtless as possible
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
