FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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