I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
