My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
