party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
