What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.