Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
