what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...