I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
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this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...