I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.