..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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