You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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