If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
