Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
