Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
