no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
