He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
