Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
