1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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