Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
