Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
