Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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