Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
