Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
