We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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