Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have fence marks all over my body
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
