last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
