Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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