wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
