No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
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