Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
