I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
