So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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