Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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