so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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