Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
