i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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