So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
