Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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