I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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