My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
