Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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