I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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