i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
