guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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