Don't make out with my wife yet
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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