Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
