Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
