I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
