We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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