you traded sex for a burrito?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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