I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
whose ass print is on the piano?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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