The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
